Tis not right to hate the hormones...

Oh curse thee, ye retched hormones. How thou hast taunted and twisted my paths. Augmented and sentsationalized my negativity. Stolen my energy, dulled my creativity, filched my wit and tarnished all that was good. I have often cursed them and questioned Gods reasonings for even using them. So the above mentioned is a negative outlook on hormones.

BUT

When your positive, hormones make you feel ALIVE. And that is why God uses hormones as part of our chemical make up. That is why women are so spectacular and magical when righteous and happy.... women are full of hormones.

They play their part. However when they're not in balance they can wreck your life... so see to that if you think its affecting your life. I don't think we need to be a victim to our hormones and the rollercoaster ride they sometimes force upon us.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee. How great thou art, how great thou art!

Epiphany

What a truly wonderful blessing friends can be. They serve a different purpose to family, in that they bless your lives in such varied ways. I have many friends. One in particular i'm grateful to this week... Miss Anne Shirley would describe this friend and a bosom friend or a kindred spirit. We both agree we must of known each other in the pre-existance. I've had this feeling of familiarity with a few of my friends. Where it seems that the first conversation one has with this stranger is literally picking up where you left off. I love her like a sister and although we're not of the same age bracket it rarely is a consideration. We respect each others differences and strengths. I really cherish her. What i love most about our friendship is how we can talk. Its quite unique. The words are bountiful and easy. Spiritual communication is not verbalized but without a doubt exchanged. Her constancy along with others has helped heal my soul.

Now to the moment of enlightenment. We were talking in the car after a "Relief Society Activity" (gosh didn't we all just used to Enrichment). We hadn't spoken in quite some time. So it started out as a general catch up then it turned into some more pressing maters in our lives. I felt like i was able to clearly give voice to thoughts that had been brewing in my mind and soul for some time. And whilst they'd never been heard by ear, my friend sat patiently as I ordered and connected those thoughts.

I'm certain little few are aware of my struggles with depression in the past. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about my battle. In fact i want people to know, especially now as i'm finding answers to years of desperate prayers for help. Ive been quite angry toward Heavenly Father for some years now... I'm finding that i'm mellowing and seeing things AS THEY REALLY ARE. Its no accident that particular people, articles, talks and promptings are not only teaching me but preparing me for change, alas repentance also. Its amazing how the combination of hormone imbalance and Satan's angels can tear one soul apart and destroy all that is beautiful and divine.

In all my years of depression one of the many thoughts that were constantly being processed was that "its harder to obey God and live his laws, than it is to live life with my own ideas." I placed this in inverted commas because quite literally this is a conversation i would have with myself all the time. When one is depressed they are usually feeling unmotivated and tired, hence living the gospel just seemed to hard. THIS IS A LIE. I love telling Satan how it is. Sometimes i love saying things out aloud to him. I can literally picture him shrinking, with the affirmation of truth, and that he has been discovered in his lie! My body sings and reverberates when exposed to truth. Its like the pleasing echoes of a harp.

Pride comes into play here as well. Funny how one who is suffering so severely with feelings of self worth can still stand so obstinate and proud.

I also discovered that if i'm finding it hard to live the gospel then i'm not converted to it. True conversion gives power. It turns "have to" into "want to." This means i need to focus my energies in doing things that will bring about the spirit and in return reap the rewards of the spirit. How foolish to think that i knew better.

And so, i've seen the light. Quite literally. I am more than my lumpy figure, in fact, it bothers me quite substantially less. I think when i start learning to see myself how God see me then the desire to look after this earthly tabernacle will come. I must admit that it seems like some time away as i'm focusing my energies on developing and healing by battered soul. Its time to live the testimony and show forth the faith that i've testified of in the past. Fear is not Faith.

Dearest children, God is with you.

Watching o you day and night.

And delights to own and bless you.

If you strive to do whats right.

He will bless you, he will bless you

If you put your trust in him

Sharing proud parenting moments with Heavenly Father

Its time for an update. I guess I'm deciding to update now because things are going great. And for all the whining i do its time i write a post on the good. Lets just say I'm no longer dubious. Progress has been made. Spencer is now a big kindy boy. (brief pause in typing whilst i deflate my chest from the pride i feel inside). He no longer cries on my leaving or picking up. He eats some foods, he's formed attachments, he's no longer hitting other children, he breaks into songs that i haven't taught him, he looks forward to going to kindy. PHEW, what a relief we stuck it out! We've had some troubles with him at rest time and my Mum kindly offered to pat him off at rest time. Today however, he didn't need mummy or mymmy or pat him off to sleep. WOW. Now this might seem kind of ridiculous, but this is huge progress for my boy.

Spencer is now 3 and as I look back on those 3 years, I can honestly say they've been tough. He's not been an easy child to raise, but oh how i LOVE that little boy. Whilst he's still very 3, he's developing rapidly and loves to learn. He can be so tender at times, and spiritual. It fills me with joy to hear him pray un-aided and to watch his enthusiasm in learnings things of a spiritual nature. His recall amazes me. I could go on and on. Suffice to say, that I'm proud of you Spencer. And Heavenly Father is proud of you too. Thankyou for sending this child to our family.