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Consistant - impossible
So its been a while... I'll be honest i've been dreadfully depressed and not wanting to do a single thing about it. Same old same ol. Anyway. Last week was Spencer's birthday and I was fabulous and kept it together, i also held out for the Easter celebrations. I think having linc around for the easter part played a large part in that, but i did the Birthday thing all on my own. proud moment for me, as i don't tend to handle any pressure atm. I seem only to be able to have a good day...not good days. I retire to bed at the end of a evening feeling pretty good, and wake up feeling the pressure to perform to yesterdays standards. CAN'T DO IT. Does anyone else have that huge overwhelming feeling the minute they're jumped on or screamed at by the children in the morning? No? Just me then...
I'm sorry to hear your struggles Sis Kilworth, I'm sorry I forget your first name. But I know your husband pretty well, at least I did back in the YSA days. I have many a struggle myself. Opposition works hard on us Mothers. I think I go through feeling like a failure soo much. If you ever wanna hear another Mum's random drama and highs you can read my blog if you like. I have 3 boys aged 1, 2, and 3. I gotta let you know that I most of my posts are edited for viewing and if you could really see my mental shut downs you wouldn't feel alone in your plight. Chin up. www.jillinawhittaker.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteSorry its Jillina again. Its hard to write a meaningful comment. Look no pressure to read my trivial stuff I'm confident there is more worthy blogs for your attention. Say hi to linc for me please. Cheers
ReplyDeleteNo it's not just you! My issue is that when I'm not coping, instead of sucking it up I ask Steve to come home and take care of us. I really have to stop it so he can be the kind of employee he wants to be, but it's so hard!!! I even asked him to stay home from District Conference today because I'm getting sick (he's on the district presidency so not a great idea). I said to him, "I can't do it." He answered, "Yes you can! You just think you can't, but you can." Such a simple answer but a lightbulb came on and I thought, "You know, he's right! I'm a trooper! I can do it! Even if I do hate every second of it."
ReplyDeleteSome days suck, some weeks suck and then there are months where you just think the suckiness could last forever... but it WILL lift. Pray always Alicia- Heavenly Father's letting you experience this so he can show you his power... and remember, to quote the mum out of P.S. I Love You: "So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."
You're not the only one hating your list of chores and lack of self-fulfillment on any given day, if it brings you any comfort, odds are I'm right there with you. :) xoxo
Thanks for your comments girls. Jillina...just come off your page, what a great read! I guess i have quite a few issues and each are impacting on each other. On my good days i can be fair with myself and realize that i'm quite talented and potentially have the ability to be amazing. In saying that they're aren't many good days. And seeing as though i feel the need to be honest, i really need to sort out my relationship with my HF. Saying that we're estranged would be an understatement. There's alot of anger and blame going on (on my part), and as a result i no longer trust him and have started to forget. I have a testimony but have lost the power that conversion brings into your life. In fact i have purposely tried to estrange myself emotion and certain relationships. I'm only really coming to understand how depression is completley dibilitating and how in my own life it has stolen my soul. I guess the difference in both of you girls lives is that in the desperate times in your lives, you surrender to the Lord and find solace and peace in doing so. Its amazing that a person so low and depressed can have so much pride...
ReplyDeleteHow did it get this way... THanks for your support, it appreciated more than you know!
Hi Lissyal (sorry I don't know your fist name :) I'm one of Carolyn's friends and saw a link to your blog on hers. I hope you don't mind me commenting on this post :) You are definitely NOT the only one that has these feelings of being overwhelmed. Even those we assume never do, DO.
ReplyDeleteOne of the quotes I LOVED from general conference (that was SO simple) was this......
"A journey of 1000 miles begins with one step".
Motherhood (and life in general) is definitely a journey of 1000 miles (maybe even 1000000 miles :) but all we can do (especially when things are at there hardest) is take one day at a time. And often, the Lord is the only one that can help us make it through to the end of each day.
My thoughts are with you!!
Luv Felicity