Namby Pamby

So I had my second attempt at the dentist yesterday. The First time I allowed the chick to just take x-rays. Result... 2 root canals and 1 filling. JOYOUS. She offered to do them on the spot, and I flat out refused. My so called crutch (also know as vallium) had failed to "support" me and I was left teetering on the edge of sheer terror and inner turmoil. I could of sworn I felt the dentist bring out her COWARD brand and stamp me right in the forhead.... sssssssssh! And in all honesty her prices were extortion! So another appointment was made. For yesterday. I was recommended to here by another woose (who can't of been that big of a woose because she actually went through with it).

I'd taken my 2 vallium that morning, then again a half hour before the appointment, thinking that if i built up a dosage that slumber would befall me in the chair and all would be "fine."

Linc picked me up and off we went. I could feel my whole body in fight and flight mode... I wanted to RUN! Even waiting I felt sick... that smell of dentists makes me want to puke. To make a long story short I managed the needle and numbing up part and almost braved about 4 seconds of drilling... Put my hand up and lifted my glasses. THAT WAS IT

Couldn't do it... burst into tears . The whole team spent the next 5 mins with lines similar to "you've made it this far" to which alicia was interpreting as "suck it up." Major anxiety, nausea, and terror were telling me don't you dare open you mouth up again. So after paying a $60 consultation fee, we walked back to the car. Linc dropped me home and i sat at home feeling pathetic and fat from a numbed up mouth. Mum arrived home with the kids from the library 20mins later and I really enjoyed telling her that i balked.

So the anesthetic investigations start. FREAK $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. Mum tells me we could buy a car for the same amount. I immediately feel better pfft. Everytime the issues comes up or someone talks to me about procedures the cold sweat stars, heart rate up and HUGE anxiety overwhems me.

So I feel wonderful knowing that my husbands hard earned dollars is going to be used on his cowardly wife to get her teeth fixed. I also am enjoying the huge bruise the dentist left me when giving me the needle yesterday.

WHO THE HELL DO DENTIST THINK THEY ARE?!

AND WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THEM!

Kindy Escapades

As your all aware we started kindy this week... i say we because its truly has been a joint effort... for spencer and myself. Drop offs and pick ups have been great. Sleep time.... well. So i decked the boy out. I completely ignored the whole "kindy clothes" rule and put him in his lets say his 2nd best stuff. I had a beautiful matching sheet set, made a groovy sheet bag and packed the coolest undies (as opposed to the almost lost their elastic, faded, daggy undies). I went and bought him a special drink bottle from the health food shop, and even made a kindy rule booklet complete with pictures. OK, you've got the idea. He's been bugging me about going to kindy since last week when we went to check the centre out. The phrase "mum, lets go to kindy" was wearing thin and i completely oblivious to anything bad ever happening.

As i said drop off was fine... so i went home, ignored the housework and played for hours with Brooklyn. I don't ever remember doing this ever! Not that she' minds, she's such a independant happy baby, and only circles back to mum every now and then for some attention and reassurance. I really enjoyed spending time with her. The phone rings and i just knew it was the kindy... i was right. I hear his teacher (only just), because i can hear Spencer wailing uncontrollably in the background. I leave immediantly. The whole drive in I'm thinking, oh what have i done to this boy.

I arrive, he takes 20 seconds to settle down! 20 SECONDS!!!!!!!!!! we stay for 10 minutes, and Brooklyn becomes the class' mascot and is patted and stroked to death. He's happy, i leave him there. I pick him up later to learn that he's taken some chunks out of some kids with his teeth. ARGH. He fell asleep in the car and woke up in the most FOUL MOOD. I've never ever seen Spencer like this. Kicking, screaming, howling, throwing his body down. No amount of talking, consoling, yelling, threatning, or bribing could console him. He slept like crap that night, and so did the rest of us. I was really worried that the sleep routine we'd worked really hard on in previous weeks was about to come unraveling real fast...

Day 2

I arrive at sleep time to find his teacher walking him around in the playground, so his howls wouldn't keep the other children up. I learnt that usually all the other kids sleep, but yesterday only 1 managed to sleep through Spencer's upset. I'd come prepared with a teddy, his favourite blanky, his music CD which he falls asleep to every night and his aromatherapy oil which we use to help his sleep well, and have good dreams.

Long story short... 5mins later he was asleep! I guess i'll continue to do this until he feel comfortable and settled to do this on his own. He is such a different child when he's had sleep. Lets see how next week pans out

I'll add some photos soon

DREAMS - not the Disney kind...

So my lovely dear friend Treen has mentioned to me (on several occasions) that i should write down or make a visual representation of my dreams and goals. I have so many that i think this entry will probably keep being updated. For most part the dreams have been the same but the details become more glorious as i mature and my mind is exposed to an array of different experiences.

1. Build our dream home... This will be interesting because Linc and i have completely different tastes. Lincoln loves modern clean lines, with tonnes of light and open spaces etc... me on the other hand I LOVE traditional, french provincal, newport, anything that says HOME, COMFORT, WARMTH and PEACE. A home where quilts and sumptuous lounges covered with far too many pillows and a GIGANTIC kitchen looks quite appropriate. Then to decorate!

2. Music plays quite a large roll in our family. I want to learn to play the double bass (the really large cello's for those who don't know) and the steel drums. Aren't they so ALICIA! Voice lessons would also be on the cards, except i don't want to turn all opera, just improve the old vocal chords etc

3. QUILT TILL THE COWS COME HOME... I'm in the process of saving for a proper quilting sewing machine. WHY? Well i intend to have this hobby for life. If you want to contribute to the "help Alicia save for a sewing machine foundation" please contact her and arrange for a hair cut or colour. (Killer Hair Design 3134 0220)... I digress - To me a quilt says, home, it is a warm hug from mum, it is a tangible reminder of hours and hours and hours and hours (and lets not forget $$) of love that has been willing given to give warmth. It reminds me of when they place they tiny newborn in your arms, and you pull them in tight to keep them warm, sharing body heat and staring into each others eyes, exchanging unspoken words of love and welcome to each other. Not only do i want to quilt, but i want perfection! I will unpick till its right! This may kill me one day. Lets also add cross stitch and embroidery at this point.... anything that involve yarn and a needle really.

4. This next one is evolving. I love to COOK. Especially when the recipe calls for sugar. I'm self taught, and think i have a nack for choosing a good recipe. I want to learn the science and art of cooking though. The reasons behind success and failure. So when the cooking process starts the end result will be known, because there is no guess work, its not a fluke, it turned out because of the science behind it! So this means, getting some formal training.

5. Run my own business... the thought of 3 small couple bungalo's really appeals to me, or a dessert restaurant/cafe. Have my own range of products, from cordials, jams, relishes, and the naughty stuff too.

6. Attend University and become a midwife. This idea scares the hell out of me. I don't feel I'm particularly intellectual but, this is some years away yet. Maybe when the kids are at school...

There's more... i just can't remember them and quite frankly i'm over typing...

OK... I told you i'd forgotten some

7. TRAVEL... Europe in particular, not just a short stint trip either. Maybe 3-6mths. The french, italian and greek's really know GOOD FOOD. I love architecture, and history as well so that would be on the list of "to do" whilst visiting. These destinations would have to be reached via boat as flying is out of the question... what a shame.lol

8. Read the dictionary. I actually used to do this. I remember as a teenager feeling really dumb because friends or other adults used "big" words. For all i knew that were speaking in tongues but i would try and remember the name and look it up when i got home. It also helps me to better convey my thoughts in conversation and on paper. Plus it makes me look intelligent, (wake up Alicia)

9. Study dress making. Clothes shopping sucks. Didn't used to, but even when i was alot smaller its never been a peice of cake. I can never find what I visualize in mind... so why not sew it. I used to love rumaging through op shops and getting people's hand me downs. I especially love being unique when it comes to apparel. I hate that in some suburbs you can pretty much tell that the vast majority of the population has had the own personal stylist "Targe't." how the hell do you spell that... where's that damn dictionary when you need it? I would love to learn formal, evening and wedding dresses.

phase 2 is complete...hold out for phase 3

Consistant - impossible

So its been a while... I'll be honest i've been dreadfully depressed and not wanting to do a single thing about it. Same old same ol. Anyway. Last week was Spencer's birthday and I was fabulous and kept it together, i also held out for the Easter celebrations. I think having linc around for the easter part played a large part in that, but i did the Birthday thing all on my own. proud moment for me, as i don't tend to handle any pressure atm. I seem only to be able to have a good day...not good days. I retire to bed at the end of a evening feeling pretty good, and wake up feeling the pressure to perform to yesterdays standards. CAN'T DO IT. Does anyone else have that huge overwhelming feeling the minute they're jumped on or screamed at by the children in the morning? No? Just me then...