SNAPPY TOM
Its a little sad that the post that follows "i can do hard things" is a blog about how crappy i feel atm. The last 2 days i've just been dying for a holiday. I miss my husband. I miss it being just him and I. I miss having fun on a regular basis. Whilst things have been improving on the most part, the last 2 days my hormones have come back to reek havoc on me.
So linc's birthday is on monday. I have one crappy gift and feel like its become a non-event, jsut like it it every year. I feel like i don't really know him, and its being reflected in the gift and celebrations. lame.
The ball is on tonight. They don't make pretty ball dresses for big girls and if they do i certainly can't afford them. So after taking everyone's advice i went and bought some fabric and started to sew. EWWWWWWWWWW. Not good, not good at all.
The kids are clingy and whiney and i'm miss snappy tom and cranky pants. The rego, rates, kindy fees, electricity all turned up at the same time and the lawn mower went in to get fixed. So when the poor man collecting money for the epilepsy foundation turned up at my door (I remained calm and polite) i felt like ripping his head off! I'm sorry but NO.
Its all getting to me. I'm craving alone time, I need to think, I need to re-energize, I need time to fall in love with my children again (whilst apart from them), I need to re-connect with lincoln, i need some time when i can read the scriptures, the house needs a scrub (oh it makes me sick, actually its getting embarrassing), I need PEACE.
Finding it hard to be chipper about doing the dishes for the 6th time that day or pulling the vaccume cleaner out for the 3rd time that day, or picking up the lego for the 5th time that day. The bin needs taking out again, crap its 5pm i have no idea what to make for dinner, and no Brooklyn i can't hold you and chop carrots at the same time. I want to murder Bob the Builder and mute all whingey noises that come from my kids. I need a couple of days to sit down and work out a budget, we need to do some major work around the house, MAJOR, argh but all the plans are going to pot and life centers around the precious children. And they are precious but Mummy needs are re-charge! ... I need some time in the temple.
I just wanted to whinge.
Feel free to stop reading now.
The most frustrating thing I find about life is the fierce roller-coaster ride that it is. Things are great and you feel like you're flying - happy, calm, content, enjoying things and looking forward to other things - and then a few days later it all comes undone and everything feels bland, adversities get thrown in, nothing seems good, pressures weigh in heavier and one feels tiny and sad. But, you can do hard things. And after every adversity comes blessings. A recent Sunday School lesson talked about this and hit home to me that it's a cycle of progression. An adversity comes and we get through the other side and then Heavenly Father sends us blessings and life is wonderful again. Which means we need another adversity to grow some more and so the cycle goes on.
ReplyDeleteIt can be hard but you can do hard things. We know you can and Heavenly Father knows you can.
And you need to plan a "me time". Book it in with Lincoln. Ignore the guilt, the money, the schedule, the chores and regenerate yourself. It's my birthday tomorrow too and on Saturday Elliot took the kids out shopping and that was the present for me. Anything I unwrap tomorrow is icing on the cake because the peace, the quiet, the time to myself was THE gift!
Oh, and I totally agree with you about the present thing with Lincoln. Elliot thinks birthdays are silly and doesn't want anything and as a consequence I really struggle to think of good gifts for him and always feel like you do that I don't know him enough. Which isn't true. They are just simple and don't any major wants. Elliot and I both LOVE to eat out so that is usually his gift - we go out somewhere a little fancy for a gourmet dinner.
Hang in there Alicia. And pray. He is always there.
I know how you feel! You are an AMAZING woman and like Bev said, you CAN do hard things! Life is so difficult sometimes and don't we feel so guilty about struggling to be a mother when this is our "greatest blessing". And I miss my husband too. Lately I've been struggling as he takes time out for himself to play sport for the first time in 5 years. "But... me me me me! I want you here!" It's hard! But we can do anything with the Lord. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks girls. This post really was written on a BAD day.
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