Monday, September 20, 2010

Starting something without the passion to back it up...

I had a temple recommend interview a few months back. One of the questions relates to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I answered in the affirmative. Yet how strong is this faith?

The goal is to be healthy. I'm currently obese, and this is not acceptable. I'm breaking commandments by not looking after this body and thats not good enough.

Put simply, i know i have to loose weight and gain control of a healthy lifestyle, the fact of the matter is I really have no interest what so ever. I don't believe I can do it. I don't believe any changes or efforts will last. This is and will be my hike to some unattainable summit. The goal in all its enormity, completely TERRIFIES me. Its like the first time you give birth. Your pushing and it hurts, but you can't ignore the fact that YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

Faith is not fear. Its time to live my testimony. For years I have let self doubt hinder and justify past behaviors and habits. I am absolutely right in saying that i can't do this..... on my own.

I know all the information in my head. Even whilst I'm typing this i lack the conviction i feel i need to start and see this through. So step 1 is this... Start

As of next week i start Lite n Easy. I will start taking zinc again. Did I tell you I'm scared. I think this is going to dredge up some stuff. I call it stuff because i really don't know what's going to happen. Heaven help this home, and all who live in it!

I don't care how much i weigh. This is about changing the physical Alicia so the spiritual Alicia can soar to new heights. I believe that they are connected. We'll see.

8 comments:

  1. Weight issues are such a hard thing. I find this with ken. I eat more than him, yet he is much bigger. I think it is a hard battle and when you are victorious it is a wonderful thing. You have and do work harder than I have to (can I say Im a lucky person who doesnt have to watch their weight and can eat pretty much what I want) but you are learning a better way in the long run.

    Also a note - like 30% of weightloss is incidental. Do you jiggle much? I have like nervous tick/energy and I think it might be why I am smaller than Ken. IF he sits down or lie down he doesnt move an inch. I constantly jiggle/move/bounce my leg etc. Yeah I'm crazy but maybe it helps keep weight off???

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  2. Don't forget to exercise! Thing is Alicia, we have extra health problems that contribute to our weight gain and loss. PCO affects our metabolism in ways most people don't have to worry about. I can garantee though that exercising coupled with your healthy eating plan will help you shed those kilo's and not only feel better about yourself but about life in general. Everything will seem more positive & the Kilworth home will be a happier place for it. That's not to say that there won't be some days that are not so positive but the key is to be determined & take small steps. Small steps Alicia & wanting to do this is the very first one. Good luck! xx

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  3. Exercise is still a dirty word... but just like you said one step at a time. The scary thing Caroline is that i'm not determined at all. I'd even go as far to say that i really don't feel like doing this. I'm hoping this changes, and that by taking the first steps and showing some faith, the Lord will bless me and make up the difference. It might be 80% him and 20% me for a while but this is going to take months if not up to a year.

    And sadly, i'm not a fidget-er. This is just something I will always have to watch. I don't want to enter my 30's 40's and then die in my 50's because I've failed to address this.

    The PCOS sucks, what can i say. Just like exercise sucks. At least starting with the lite n easy I don't have to worry about meals and it requires little effort on my part. For now anyway, I can't live on it forever. At some point i'm going to have to learn all this for myself. On a maintenance level and not so much on a major (loose 40kg' level).

    Thanks girls. There is lots of progress blogs yet to come

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  4. Ahhhhh crap i called you caroline.... typo SORRY. Carolyn!

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  5. Miss Alicia,

    We all know you can do it! One day that switch will flick over to 'I CAN DO THIS!' and you will be doing great.

    I think it's awesome that you're taking the first step anyway... and maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to convince you to exercise soon enough.

    I'm happy for you liss. You're on the road to fitting that engagement ring :)

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  6. Just one more little PCOS fact - we should be eating low GI. I've adopted this diet & it's not only shaping up to be a long-term lifestyle change but also surprisingly not limiting. While we struggle to find the balance of losing weight & not putting it on, you'll find that it's quite easy for us to lose the weight so long as we remain focused, dedicated & determined. However, there is the other end of the spectrum - it is also incredibly easy to put it all back on as well. Hence the frustration. Just know you're not alone Liss. We are all backing you & if you need some support we are all here! xx

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