I CAN DO "HARD" THINGS!

So i've had this title in mind for over a week now, however the content of the blog has remained a little lacking. In that i don't have much more to say than the tittle itself. I think i've mentioned in previous post/s that when your depressed you're constantly self talking, and most, if not all is negative and poisonous.

So in my healing i've stopped this altogether. I've been pretty good with this. I did discover that i stopped having a voice altogether. There was no mantra. The inner voice was silent. Inspiration came and i have my new voice.... I CAN DO HARD THINGS! I must say it over 20 times a day.

Spencer hits Brooklyn (I CAN DO HARD THINGS).... I approach him, take a deep breathe (because this is the 12th time he's done it today) and i try and deal with him as Christ would.

(Brooklyn the Carnivore... Lamb Shanks)

Its 5pm, the crankiest part of the day for mums and kids. We're all dying for Daddy to get home, dinner has to be made. Not ideal circumstances (I CAN DO HARD THINGS). Better still, I can do hard things day in day out. My goal this week was to cook dinner for 7days in a row. I don't think i've ever done this our entire marriage. I married a saint! Today is day 7. Not only have i cooked every day but i've also made sweets and have huge amounts of leftovers. We've sat at the table every night together as a family and we've been spot on with family scripture reading and prayer. The routine has stuck this week! you see I CAN do hard things!

So there Satan... pfft

Tis not right to hate the hormones...

Oh curse thee, ye retched hormones. How thou hast taunted and twisted my paths. Augmented and sentsationalized my negativity. Stolen my energy, dulled my creativity, filched my wit and tarnished all that was good. I have often cursed them and questioned Gods reasonings for even using them. So the above mentioned is a negative outlook on hormones.

BUT

When your positive, hormones make you feel ALIVE. And that is why God uses hormones as part of our chemical make up. That is why women are so spectacular and magical when righteous and happy.... women are full of hormones.

They play their part. However when they're not in balance they can wreck your life... so see to that if you think its affecting your life. I don't think we need to be a victim to our hormones and the rollercoaster ride they sometimes force upon us.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee. How great thou art, how great thou art!

Epiphany

What a truly wonderful blessing friends can be. They serve a different purpose to family, in that they bless your lives in such varied ways. I have many friends. One in particular i'm grateful to this week... Miss Anne Shirley would describe this friend and a bosom friend or a kindred spirit. We both agree we must of known each other in the pre-existance. I've had this feeling of familiarity with a few of my friends. Where it seems that the first conversation one has with this stranger is literally picking up where you left off. I love her like a sister and although we're not of the same age bracket it rarely is a consideration. We respect each others differences and strengths. I really cherish her. What i love most about our friendship is how we can talk. Its quite unique. The words are bountiful and easy. Spiritual communication is not verbalized but without a doubt exchanged. Her constancy along with others has helped heal my soul.

Now to the moment of enlightenment. We were talking in the car after a "Relief Society Activity" (gosh didn't we all just used to Enrichment). We hadn't spoken in quite some time. So it started out as a general catch up then it turned into some more pressing maters in our lives. I felt like i was able to clearly give voice to thoughts that had been brewing in my mind and soul for some time. And whilst they'd never been heard by ear, my friend sat patiently as I ordered and connected those thoughts.

I'm certain little few are aware of my struggles with depression in the past. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about my battle. In fact i want people to know, especially now as i'm finding answers to years of desperate prayers for help. Ive been quite angry toward Heavenly Father for some years now... I'm finding that i'm mellowing and seeing things AS THEY REALLY ARE. Its no accident that particular people, articles, talks and promptings are not only teaching me but preparing me for change, alas repentance also. Its amazing how the combination of hormone imbalance and Satan's angels can tear one soul apart and destroy all that is beautiful and divine.

In all my years of depression one of the many thoughts that were constantly being processed was that "its harder to obey God and live his laws, than it is to live life with my own ideas." I placed this in inverted commas because quite literally this is a conversation i would have with myself all the time. When one is depressed they are usually feeling unmotivated and tired, hence living the gospel just seemed to hard. THIS IS A LIE. I love telling Satan how it is. Sometimes i love saying things out aloud to him. I can literally picture him shrinking, with the affirmation of truth, and that he has been discovered in his lie! My body sings and reverberates when exposed to truth. Its like the pleasing echoes of a harp.

Pride comes into play here as well. Funny how one who is suffering so severely with feelings of self worth can still stand so obstinate and proud.

I also discovered that if i'm finding it hard to live the gospel then i'm not converted to it. True conversion gives power. It turns "have to" into "want to." This means i need to focus my energies in doing things that will bring about the spirit and in return reap the rewards of the spirit. How foolish to think that i knew better.

And so, i've seen the light. Quite literally. I am more than my lumpy figure, in fact, it bothers me quite substantially less. I think when i start learning to see myself how God see me then the desire to look after this earthly tabernacle will come. I must admit that it seems like some time away as i'm focusing my energies on developing and healing by battered soul. Its time to live the testimony and show forth the faith that i've testified of in the past. Fear is not Faith.

Dearest children, God is with you.

Watching o you day and night.

And delights to own and bless you.

If you strive to do whats right.

He will bless you, he will bless you

If you put your trust in him

and hope to be able to "gendure" all things

So ages ago lincoln did up a articles of faith poster for us and we used it in a fhe lesson. He prettied it up and after the lesson i thought it belonged on the back of the toilet door. And there it has stayed for about 4 years now. In his haste the 13th AOF has 2 spelling errors which has never bothered me but tonight one of the spelling errors lead to a series of thoughts.

The title shows the spelling mistake. Its meant to be endure. But when i look at the word it says 2 things to me. Obviously the first is endure, but secondly, gender. To endure with the different trials that come with gender. Male and Female share some similar trials, but we also have trials that are uniquely relate to our sex alone.

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.(Proclamation of the Family)

Heavenly Father began with man, so thats where i'll start. Men, in general are interesting. I say this because i am female and am still trying to understand them. In times past they have been heroes and villans. They hold a special place in our hearts in their roles as fathers, sons, husbands, friends and so forth. They think very differently to women. So what do men have to "gendure?"

Well in the church, they hold the keys of the priesthood which includes service and from time to time leadership and service responsibilities. I would imagine that its not always easy to do this. It means leading in their own homes which is rewarding but alas we are mortal and the boys get tired.

In most homes, men are the bread winners. The thought of having to work for several decades would be such a daunting and exhausting task. I know most men take this role VERY seriously. With mounting pressure from the world (and might i add also within the church) the need to be keeping up with the Jones' is rampant!

Men live with, marry, and associate with females. That sometimes is no easy task. I sometimes pity my poor husband. I'm no shrinking violet. I'm emotional, opinionated and at times difficult to live with. I have high expectations and big financial dreams. How on earth does he not only deal with me but continue to love me! These trait were probably quite endearing to begin with but i'm sure they grind on his nerves. Where does that patience come from and can i borrow some please?!

I'm no man and so i really don't know in entirety the trials of men experience. Feel free to add some more people.

Then came woman.

Well HF certainly out did himself when he created woman. Don't get me wrong, i'm not a huge feminist and don't believe there is a superior sex, but last time i checked i was a female and know more about my own sex. Aren't we complex! At times we boggle our own minds. With all the physical, spiritual, intellectual and emotional beauty women behold we certainly have exceptionally "unique" trials that we have to "gendure."

The obvious comes to mind. Pregnancy and childbirth, periods, motherhood etc. I'll spend some brief emphasis on these. Women experience alot of pain. Perhaps thats how women have alot of sympathy? Empathy comes from experience. Periods are inconvenient, messy and for some painfull. We know they're necessary but i'm sure i'm not alone when i say that.... isn't there a easier way! Pregnancy is difficult, uncomfortable, taxing and sometimes dangerous. Childbirth hurts... ALOT. Raising children and being mothers is the hardest job in the world when your trying. WOW, some really hard stuff. I feel its obvious that the rewards and joys are unique too. Many a women can relate to that most sacred, special occasion of the birth of their child. A memory treasured and held dear.

I also think that the female mind creates its own trials. Alot of women think lowly of themselves. Low self esteem is a plague on society. I know in my own case that my thoughts are never static. A busy highway would be more accurate. And so when one believes she is of no worth, then no bully, tyrant or evil doer could ever be as ruthless as the constant voice of thought within a womens mind.

Women are super busy. A womens work is never, and can i emphasize NEVER, done. Work blesses and curses our lives. Many a women feels overwhelmed by the mammoth list that she carries in her head. A list that never gets shorter but seems to be growing. We feel a need for perfection (another worldwide plague, good job on this one Satan). Wether at church or within our communities and homes we feel a need to achieve perfection. To portray and strive for what we have been promised will come with effort within the eternities. What is required is effort. Not what we're achieving but what we're becoming. All sounds good in theory but i know for myself that i feel this pressure to "appear" to a social standing of perfection.

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love him. Repeated weekly by the young women of the church. Whilst i know this, and for the most part believe this, I feel that myself and many others this is not enough. We want to be superwomen. We want to be.... something or someone that we are currently not. I often scold myself for weaknesses and my lack of Christian qualities. I remember this quote from teaching in yw's. I always feel i fall short but it has always impressed me and stayed with me

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.

True doctrine is like electricity through my body.

The following echoes my thoughts ...

President Faust observed that femininity “is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your … capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each … possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty.”

I miss that in women. I fear we have gone too far. Gentle dignity, quiet strength.

I've gone off topic. Can anyone think of any more gendures?